"No more wallaby robots" - actual headline

"The Newcastle Knights came to watch me play football"
"In Soviet Russia, Knights watch you play!"

"Look at that 'Hertz' van. I bet if someone got run over by it, it would hertz."

*at 'White Hot Chocolate' on menu* "Do you reckon that's hot chocolate that's white, or chocolate so hot that it's white hot?"

Apparently John Butler is the only dreadlocked artist to win an ARIA. Each time I see a dreadlocked musician I remind them of this.

Lleyton Hewitt's Mother

I went to a Hosford-approved 18th party the other couple of days. Highlights include;

-a Dream Theater fan telling King Crimson to stop being pretentious
-Hosford knocking over beverages onto the Trivial Pursuit board TWICE (the first time he ruined my champagne/lollysnake cocktail)
-singing along to Hocus Pocus' "Focus"
-a running joke involving Jim Kaston

"Who won 2 gold medals in the 2000 Olympics?" "Jim Kaston."

"Who was Mark Phillipousis' date during Wimbledon?" "Jim Kaston!"

"Want cake?" *brandishing large knife*

"Who does Bernie Taupin write lyrics for?"
"I don't know!"

*on Tiny Dancer being played* "Hey, it's Elton John! With lyrics by Bernie Taupin!"

"Who wrote most of the soundtrack to Lion King?"
"Elton John. With lyrics by Bernie Taupin!"
"...wasn't that Tim Rice?"

"What was the largest object ever to have been carried by plane?" "Jim Kaston!"

Apologies to Jim Kaston.

Now, for this draft post to shapeshift into form of...published post!

*DWAYNE*