Damn Hudson, stealing my joke. Some trivia question was all "What sport involves a stick, called a 'kip' " and I was all "Guitar Hero!" ... Then ten seconds later, after the question was repeated, Hudson goes "Guitar Hero!" and everyone heard and everyone laughed. I will avenge this.
Also, I hilariously got Jimmy Hosser's pen broke. I was trying to craftily remove one of the inks from his 4-ink interchange pen. Then Levi's friend grabbed the pen from me, and she pulled out the black and blue ink. I was emasculated! But it was chuckleworthy. Unfortunately the missing ink was discovered during trivia, not hilariously while he was trying to write something down in class.
"I love your fantasies Hosford" - Scott
Scott drew moustaches on the horses on the newspaper's front cover.
Neil Finn was in Tim's newspaper twice on consecutive days. I think Neil Finn is after me, and leaving me cryptic messages in the form of newspaper articles in which his photo appears.
"I think he had the same face the whole show" - Hoser on Sam's elation at seeing The Who live
Levi was hardcore. That was what I had written down, but I don't know how to elaborate.
Hargreaves: "speaking of public holidays, I need to have a pretend boyfriend or girlfriend so that my ex won't ask for [Friends With Benefits] on the upcoming public holiday"
Nazza: "don't want to get done in for statutory rape?"
There was this ad that really annoyed me whenever I heard it, because it had a blatant cheap knockoff ripoff Franz Ferdinand-soundalike song on it. I discovered recently, the song is actually by Franz Ferdinand.
I also have two copies of Short Circuit on DVD, because my sister couldn't find it in Target, so I went to check if it was there and she was just really stupid (it was there) so I bought it, when my sister got home she revealed she bought it at JB Hifi.
"This was the Ting Tings? I didn't realise 'cause there was no shouting." - Thim (silent h) Chastone (vocal h)
Joe told an anecdote about some crazy oblivious guy his brother knows called Merv. Some chick was hitting on Merv and said playfully "You're such an idiot sometimes!" (I presume a giggle followed.) Merv replied "Yeah, well you're a whore!"
I told Sam a stats joke, and only after I'd told him and sat back did I realise he did stats, and thus would've got it. Reading this, it may occur that I'm totally insane for telling someone a joke under the assumption I knew they wouldn't get it. Well, fuck you banana!
There's too much profanity already. Profanity should piss off.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
"He lived to the ripe old age of...quite a bit"
"Many many people have accused me of being gay" - Hargreaves (no smoke without fire?)
Apparently even while he's actively pursuing courtship with young maidens, they think he's homosexual.
There's a punctuation mark called "interrobang". It's also what Jack Bauer does. It's a combination of interrogation and banging people. (With fists, you sickos)
My brain is falling apart. Or my dreams are getting weirder. I half-woke to my alarm clock blaring, and anyone who knows me knows that I'm awesome - I mean, that I hate my alarm clock. In my dazed state, I decided that the best way to stop the noise was to unplug my guitar amp at the powerpoint and remove all guitar leads from it. Only after that didn't work did I go for Plan B "switching the alarm clock off".
Sam: oh my god
Sam: Bert Newton said "sexy"
I had an explain-off with Hosford, to see who could best explain to Sam the concept of a villanelle. I won. I was more concise!
I was going to write a villanelle about how I won, but I realised I'm no poet. And I did know it.
Naz: this isn't the best study environment
Naz: good thing I'm not studying!
Sam: but studying is what all the cool kids do
Sam: I should know
Naz: yeah, you look at the cool kids from afar, wishing one day to be with them
"That guy was all 'no profanity' in his list of what jokes can't have..."
"There goes 'fuck you banana' "
The joke I was referring to was (from Mark Prindle's site):
What did the chimpanzee say to the banana?
Fuck you, banana.
Jim Hos asked whether "surd is the word" for the Surd Hero joke. I had no idea what the [Lou Reed] he was saying, so I sang that "Bird is the Word" song with surd substituted where appropriate.
Damn, tomorrow I have to do an assignment. *sigh* It's for music culture, so I have to listen to music all day. What a chore!
Another crazy footballer in the news, this time Brett Seymour. "Witnesses said he threw a pizza."
Insert joke here.
Apparently even while he's actively pursuing courtship with young maidens, they think he's homosexual.
There's a punctuation mark called "interrobang". It's also what Jack Bauer does. It's a combination of interrogation and banging people. (With fists, you sickos)
My brain is falling apart. Or my dreams are getting weirder. I half-woke to my alarm clock blaring, and anyone who knows me knows that I'm awesome - I mean, that I hate my alarm clock. In my dazed state, I decided that the best way to stop the noise was to unplug my guitar amp at the powerpoint and remove all guitar leads from it. Only after that didn't work did I go for Plan B "switching the alarm clock off".
Sam: oh my god
Sam: Bert Newton said "sexy"
I had an explain-off with Hosford, to see who could best explain to Sam the concept of a villanelle. I won. I was more concise!
I was going to write a villanelle about how I won, but I realised I'm no poet. And I did know it.
Naz: this isn't the best study environment
Naz: good thing I'm not studying!
Sam: but studying is what all the cool kids do
Sam: I should know
Naz: yeah, you look at the cool kids from afar, wishing one day to be with them
"That guy was all 'no profanity' in his list of what jokes can't have..."
"There goes 'fuck you banana' "
The joke I was referring to was (from Mark Prindle's site):
What did the chimpanzee say to the banana?
Fuck you, banana.
Jim Hos asked whether "surd is the word" for the Surd Hero joke. I had no idea what the [Lou Reed] he was saying, so I sang that "Bird is the Word" song with surd substituted where appropriate.
Damn, tomorrow I have to do an assignment. *sigh* It's for music culture, so I have to listen to music all day. What a chore!
Another crazy footballer in the news, this time Brett Seymour. "Witnesses said he threw a pizza."
Insert joke here.
Monday, March 16, 2009
"Perhaps Wayne Bennett isn't the messiah" - newspaper article
"Can I ask you a question: up in Queensland did you ever mow the lawn in your thongs?" - Laurie Daley, football commentator (said while on air)
My ticket for W says "W (M)". If I turn it upside down it says "(W) M". I didn't know there was a W rating. For vulgar scenes and extreme George Bush.
I gave Scott a link to Megaphonium Fanfare;
Naz: mine's better though
Naz: [brick link (find it yourself lazy bastards)]
Naz: it has significantly more Scott
Scott: just reading them now
Scott: I'll let you know the verdict shortly
Naz: I'll have to wait, I didn't pay my bail
Scott: lololol legal jojes
Naz: much better than illegal jojes
Scott: nah they are the best kind
Naz: pervert
Scott was disappointed that I didn't help him with trivia. So we've made an arrangement; if I don't help him with trivia he punches me in the head.
Morgan relayed me a story about how some girl in his class had lost her wallet, and was in distress. Someone asked her to describe the wallet, and she said "it's camouflage" so Morgan's friend, "that girl who is Morgan's friend", aka Ellen, said "Oh no! We'll NEVER find it..."
I informed Joe we had gotten Guitar Hero. He informed me he got a pie. He conceded it was not as good as Guitar Hero. We decided to make the videogame "Pie Hero". There were discussions of "Pi Hero", followed by its sequel, "Pi Hero 3....point1415".
Joe: I'd move onto the others like "e Hero" as part of the Surd hero series
Naz: "We're predicting exponential growth of sales"
I'll continue my series of "Niche Jokes with Good Friends" shortly! (*ticks "Tom" off his list)
My ticket for W says "W (M)". If I turn it upside down it says "(W) M". I didn't know there was a W rating. For vulgar scenes and extreme George Bush.
I gave Scott a link to Megaphonium Fanfare;
Naz: mine's better though
Naz: [brick link (find it yourself lazy bastards)]
Naz: it has significantly more Scott
Scott: just reading them now
Scott: I'll let you know the verdict shortly
Naz: I'll have to wait, I didn't pay my bail
Scott: lololol legal jojes
Naz: much better than illegal jojes
Scott: nah they are the best kind
Naz: pervert
Scott was disappointed that I didn't help him with trivia. So we've made an arrangement; if I don't help him with trivia he punches me in the head.
Morgan relayed me a story about how some girl in his class had lost her wallet, and was in distress. Someone asked her to describe the wallet, and she said "it's camouflage" so Morgan's friend, "that girl who is Morgan's friend", aka Ellen, said "Oh no! We'll NEVER find it..."
I informed Joe we had gotten Guitar Hero. He informed me he got a pie. He conceded it was not as good as Guitar Hero. We decided to make the videogame "Pie Hero". There were discussions of "Pi Hero", followed by its sequel, "Pi Hero 3....point1415".
Joe: I'd move onto the others like "e Hero" as part of the Surd hero series
Naz: "We're predicting exponential growth of sales"
I'll continue my series of "Niche Jokes with Good Friends" shortly! (*ticks "Tom" off his list)
Friday, March 13, 2009
AHMADINEJAD THROW ME A PARTY
I read a hilarious article the other day about how the President of Iran, Ahmadinejad, wants to replace the current political systems of the world with one based on "human rights". Then his aide whispered in his ear that that meant he couldn't subjugate bitches.
"Have you seen Mansell at uni yet?"
(enthusiastically) "Yeah. He tried to run me over."
I didn't know whether my Music Culture class would need any notes or writing down stuff, so I brought a few blank pieces of paper just in case. The teacher was handing out pieces of paper that we wrote our names on and folded so you could sit it at the desk and everyone could see your name. When the teacher went to retrieve the left-over paper she also grabbed my sheets of paper. My paper was stolen!
I made up for it by stealing her identity.
"YOUR FACE sleeps on a pillow!" (said by Joe to sleeping person)
Apparently Joe had a red mark on his arm since he was like 10. Randomly a few weeks ago his sister, who studied medical stuff, was all "That's a blood blister. You should pop that." It had existed since before she started studying medical stuff! It was like a brother. A red parasitic 90% blood brother. Bruce Dickinson wrote a song about it ("WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS! WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS! ... ... WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS! WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS!")
...
"WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS!"
Man that song's chorus was repetitive.
I also took Sam's watch from him and put it on my person, and had a lively chat with him before he noticed I was wearing his watch.
"Sam, what's the time?"
Scott: "Time to get a new fence."
Coincidentally Scott is now my favourite comedian. Hmm, wait, no, that's Greg Giraldo.
Or is it?
No probably not.
Scott was also bragging that he hated Kevin Rudd before it was cool. This led Hosford on a long-winded politically-driven rant that no one understood. But, he was a good speaker so his ratings are still high.
At trivia I shouted out "mamma mia!" after an Italian-based question. The question "What's the atomic number of gold?" Levi solved this by getting out his science textbook and looking at the table of elements. There was a question about what, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, is the longest film in existence. I solved this by getting out my Guinness Book of World Records. Not really, I was awesome enough to know the answer without carrying around textbooks.
Coincidentally, I have never bought a textbook for uni. The lectures told me I would fail without a textbook. Yeah, I failed at failing! Suckers.
Hosford got a question right about Sheryl Crow. He won a voucher. He also won no one's respect.
Shit, I just realised the football's on, and I also realised this update wasn't funny. So, two birds with one stone!
BRETT STEWART AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"Have you seen Mansell at uni yet?"
(enthusiastically) "Yeah. He tried to run me over."
I didn't know whether my Music Culture class would need any notes or writing down stuff, so I brought a few blank pieces of paper just in case. The teacher was handing out pieces of paper that we wrote our names on and folded so you could sit it at the desk and everyone could see your name. When the teacher went to retrieve the left-over paper she also grabbed my sheets of paper. My paper was stolen!
I made up for it by stealing her identity.
"YOUR FACE sleeps on a pillow!" (said by Joe to sleeping person)
Apparently Joe had a red mark on his arm since he was like 10. Randomly a few weeks ago his sister, who studied medical stuff, was all "That's a blood blister. You should pop that." It had existed since before she started studying medical stuff! It was like a brother. A red parasitic 90% blood brother. Bruce Dickinson wrote a song about it ("WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS! WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS! ... ... WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS! WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS!")
...
"WE'RE BLOOD BROTHERS!"
Man that song's chorus was repetitive.
I also took Sam's watch from him and put it on my person, and had a lively chat with him before he noticed I was wearing his watch.
"Sam, what's the time?"
Scott: "Time to get a new fence."
Coincidentally Scott is now my favourite comedian. Hmm, wait, no, that's Greg Giraldo.
Or is it?
No probably not.
Scott was also bragging that he hated Kevin Rudd before it was cool. This led Hosford on a long-winded politically-driven rant that no one understood. But, he was a good speaker so his ratings are still high.
At trivia I shouted out "mamma mia!" after an Italian-based question. The question "What's the atomic number of gold?" Levi solved this by getting out his science textbook and looking at the table of elements. There was a question about what, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, is the longest film in existence. I solved this by getting out my Guinness Book of World Records. Not really, I was awesome enough to know the answer without carrying around textbooks.
Coincidentally, I have never bought a textbook for uni. The lectures told me I would fail without a textbook. Yeah, I failed at failing! Suckers.
Hosford got a question right about Sheryl Crow. He won a voucher. He also won no one's respect.
Shit, I just realised the football's on, and I also realised this update wasn't funny. So, two birds with one stone!
BRETT STEWART AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Saturday, March 7, 2009
...134
Newstopia used to have Bunnings parody ads. Now whenever actual Bunnings ads come on I burst out laughing. The most recent one said "Yard broom $4.99" and I laughed so much my sister asked what was so funny.
She also said the archduke Franz Ferdinand was an idiot.
Apparently there's a video with narration about the event, after the assassination the voice over guy says "Then one ate a sandwich" in a deep and serious voice.
While we were waiting for Watchmen to start ("Who watches the Watchmen? The audience, you idiot") Hosford was propositioned by some young girls.
They wanted him to buy cigarettes (no ice-cream or figurines of the Virgin Mary). Yeah! What a non-upstanding citizen he is. A rebel with a gauze.
Then there was that guy who walked past Hosford and pointed his fingers. Pointin' ma fingers, pointin' ma fingers, pointin- pointin- pointin at you! Mick Jagger is a bad actor.
We also saw Scratch for $10, which is hilarious because he bought it for $27 and only got it because I told him he should get it because it's great.
I read the funniest article: "Police said a 58-year-old man stabbed his teenage son after he refused to take off his hat at church earlier in the day."
Other great headlines include
While I was at the waiting room of the doctors' I saw Peter Harvey on the TV and started laughing.
I was watching some interview between a business channel host and an economist. They spoke for five minutes about the housing bubble, then the last question the guy asked was "What is a bubble?"
She also said the archduke Franz Ferdinand was an idiot.
Apparently there's a video with narration about the event, after the assassination the voice over guy says "Then one ate a sandwich" in a deep and serious voice.
While we were waiting for Watchmen to start ("Who watches the Watchmen? The audience, you idiot") Hosford was propositioned by some young girls.
They wanted him to buy cigarettes (no ice-cream or figurines of the Virgin Mary). Yeah! What a non-upstanding citizen he is. A rebel with a gauze.
Then there was that guy who walked past Hosford and pointed his fingers. Pointin' ma fingers, pointin' ma fingers, pointin- pointin- pointin at you! Mick Jagger is a bad actor.
We also saw Scratch for $10, which is hilarious because he bought it for $27 and only got it because I told him he should get it because it's great.
I read the funniest article: "Police said a 58-year-old man stabbed his teenage son after he refused to take off his hat at church earlier in the day."
Other great headlines include
- Police Taser Nude Man Outside Church
- Woman Uses Wedgie to Capture Suspected Thief
- Cops Get Tough on Speed Laws
- Chris Hargreaves Caught Exposing Self at Mardi Gras
While I was at the waiting room of the doctors' I saw Peter Harvey on the TV and started laughing.
I was watching some interview between a business channel host and an economist. They spoke for five minutes about the housing bubble, then the last question the guy asked was "What is a bubble?"
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