"I created a sarchasm"

"You can't sell a tomato for $40!"

AFL Coach: "They say we're supposed to enjoy the week before the grand final. Well I didn't enjoy it."

"A beard doesn't win a football game."

Stats courses are great. It's the only place where you "reject Ho" if your p-value is small.

"Sam's going to pay for sax from a man."

"I have a large P-value" - Lecturer

Student: What's that E thing? (written on board by Teacher)
Teacher: I don't know.

"We can't ever do covers"
=five minutes later=
"OMG we have to do a cover!"

The teacher wrote "reject Ho" on the board (Ho is the null hypothesis). I would've enjoyed watching the next class's reaction to that message.

WOMAN IN POSITION OF AUTHORITY QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Maybe you've discovered the hidden orgasm!"

MOONBUSINESS

Naz: It's kinda hard to feel wistful for something that's always existed
Naz: like if the moon disappeared I'd be all "damn the moon was awesome"
Naz: well that's not a good example, I find the moon awesome and appreciate it every night
Naz: maybe the sun
Naz: if the sun disappeared I'd be all "damn I'm gonna die now"
Naz: but as it stands now I'm all "[copulate] you sun I'm cold, way to not shine, but shine enough to cause global warming, and give me headaches"
Hos: I like how the sun going makes you think you're going to die but the moon going just makes you think of what an awesome massive beast the moon was
Hos: apparently you'll survive without consequence
Hos: you'll just miss the moon coz it was awesome
Naz: well, the moon isn't powering all life as we know it, is it
Naz: if the moon wasn't around, things would change
Naz: but it wouldn't be "oh shit we have about 5 minutes before this becomes a ball of ice"

infracture

Apparently I'm the type of guy you'd walk off the footpath to avoid late at night.

"I was looking at the prices of saxophones, they are so expensive! But I really want one."
"Sam's desperate for sax."

"I touched his penis...with my mouth" - Jenny

"I'm too angry for fart jokes"

Apparently some guy is getting renowned as the new Bob Dylan, minus the politics.

Hos: It's like
Hos: There's nothing else
Hos: Bob Dylan IS politics
Hos: Bob Dylan without politics is simply =
Hos: great compliment
Hos: "this person is sheer and pure nothingness"
Hos: "Dave you are bob dylan minus the politics"
Naz: yeah fat slag
Hos: Bob Dylan - politics = John Cage

"[Porcupine Tree]'s not heavy enough though"
"If I want heavy I'll just put on Meshuggah...

...to go with Mepeppah"


"Wow you've just given me my worst fear. That removalists will steal the entirety of everything we own."

Opposite Day is a Blockable Offense

The Opening Ceremony is so much more exciting when you know that if anyone makes a mistake they'll get executed.

"Dammit I shouldn't read philosophy before bed"

"I'm going to give you my daily tip"
"This isn't gonna be like last time you offered me your tip? I'm not putting that in my mouth again"

Hosfordfucius say, "The Chinese are good organisers. Indeed you have to be to kill so many."

I find the totalitarian regimes put on the good shows. They can't just go "hey we treat our people well", they have to put some effort into looking good.

Hos: The Mongols made it to Peking
Naz: THEY BREACHED THE WALL

"Swaziland!"
"I'm a neo-swazi"

Hos: And now I've burned my troats [copulating] HELL!
Naz: troats!
Naz: are they all on fire going "Save us [Hosford]"
Naz: and you're like "no! not my faithful troats!" and grab a waterhose

Overthrow your brain!

"Sam's waited too long for sax."

"Don't pull the...whatever." - Sam, after an attempt to remove his shoelace

"Put 'sex' in the by" - a quote from a Uni teacher

Lecturer: "Sentence completion tests, they're pretty self-explanatory," followed by a detailed explanation.

Business Decision Making = learning when to say "none of your business"

The Stapler Incident

"At least two of my uni classes have 10 minutes set aside in the first session to teach you how to log onto the computers. Seems the Bachelor of IT is very thorough."

"I only realised today the Auchmuty library is pronounced 'archimede'. That's kind of like pronouncing Aristotle 'ovusplantface'."

"She's adamant."
"I'm Adam Ant."

"I have an 80% chance of passing this statistics class. But...I could just be really bad at statistics."

Apparently Joe's brother (who is at least as awesome as Joe) is working at a hotel in Sydney, and is a bilingual dude who talks to the international guests. Anyway, he only speaks French, but since he was the only bilingual person on duty when this frantic Japanese man came in, he was called down to try and figure it out.

So this Japanese man was really distressed and kept repeating the same sentence over and over, Joe's brother randomly guessed and pointed at the toilets...which was what the Japanese man was demanding! He should go on that show "The One", except he's not crap.

I was the second person to make an entendre about Tom's joystick-themed screenname. Yeah!

Naz: so what was it you were going to say?
Naz: that you are a rocket man?
Naz: that the owner of a lonely heart is much better than the owner of a broken heart? Coz someone else already said that.

What I Learned from the New Batman Movie

Batman has a lisp.

Gary Oldman has a glorious moustache.

The Joker is a crossdresser.

The US government should hire Batman to do their civilian spying.

William Fichtner kicks ass no matter what movie he's in.