Jim Kaston got a phonecall while hanging with the group. I said suggestively, "Put your shirt on." RJ added, "harder, harder!" We all giggled at our little prank. After the phonecall Jim turned to us and said, "FYI: work phone."
A trivia question was asked, along the lines of: "Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never spoke with his mother or his sister on one. Why?"
The correct answer was, because they were both deaf.
Guy B"everly Hillbilly"evan remarked, "Maybe he should've invented a hearing aid."
Lash of one thousand eyebrows clicking. says:
also i just remembered heh
Flying on a Blue Dream says:
...
like
you forgot that the word "heh" existed until now?
and you went "heh" then paused, and went "wait...I used to know that word! omg must tell the internet"
"I GOT ANGRY AT MATT BELLAMY'S FACE AND ENTIRE BODY" - Hosford reviewing the video clip for Undisclosed Desires
Random snippet of some shit from a website I don't remember:
When George W. Bush invited Reid for coffee in the Oval Office in the last weeks of his presidency, Bush’s dog walked in and Reid told the president: “Your dog is fat.”
"Nicole Kidman's face got her fired" - quote from a news article
Another trivia question involved what Donald Duck's middle name was. Brett suggested "Peking".
Yet another question was "What is the largest species of bear". I wrote as my answer "Bearoplane".
"Your two dads are gay"
"Your three mums are gay"
-conversation between two people, one presumably being Levi
I mistyped Google one time as Gogole. Instead of web searches it finds dead souls.
Let's all laugh at stuffy culture warriors. One apparently found an adult Japanese game for the first time, and described it thusly:
Rape is not an option on the menu; rape is the entire point of the game.
Makes me wonder what restaurants he's been going to.
"There's something about poms talking about Michael Jackson that really creeps me out" - Hosford's mother (one of them)
I was watching Entourage because I lacked the self-efficacy to kill myself. Kevin Dillon got an overload of awesome and freaked out because William Fichtner was in the room. Then Dean Cain walked in and he had a heart attack.
Then Jeremy Piven drew a naughty drawing. FOR MALCOLM MCDOWELL.
The Japanese game guy sent 369 complaints to the broadcaster. (He objected to seeing Kevin Dillon's face.)
Finally, to round out this formulaic entry, a vaguely amusing headline:
Man arrested for 'thinking of a cheeseburger'
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
"It's evolving into John Travolta!"
I was reading about someone who put LSD in bread in France, and sold it to everyone in the town. Wikipedia described the aftermath:
One man tried to drown himself, screaming that his belly was being eaten by snakes. An 11-year-old tried to strangle his grandmother. Another man shouted: "I am a plane", before jumping out of a second-floor window, breaking his legs.
It's funny because it happened in France.
"Tony Kaye is desperate to be taken seriously as an artist." - some guy on TV
I was watching football and James Maloney scored three times in a row. One commentator asked, "What do you call a hat trick where they score three in a row?"
There was a pause, and the other commentator replied: "A hat trick."
Naz: this morning's episode of The Prisoner was great
Naz: it was like saw but with a woman as the bad guy, and also it had cricket
Ell: brb
Ell: i need to get something at officeworks
Naz: i think we can agree all horror movies would be slightly better if they had cricket
Ell: okay
Naz: what an oxymoron!
Naz: take that microsoft word and excel
Ell: no talk of cricket either
Ell: lol cool
Ell: but no mention of cricket
Naz: why
Naz: did a relative who played cricket get killed by an exploding cricket ball, as happened in the episode?
Naz: actually that'd improve cricket too, every so often one of the balls explodes
Ell: NO
Naz: THEN michael clarke would have something to cry about
One man tried to drown himself, screaming that his belly was being eaten by snakes. An 11-year-old tried to strangle his grandmother. Another man shouted: "I am a plane", before jumping out of a second-floor window, breaking his legs.
It's funny because it happened in France.
"Tony Kaye is desperate to be taken seriously as an artist." - some guy on TV
I was watching football and James Maloney scored three times in a row. One commentator asked, "What do you call a hat trick where they score three in a row?"
There was a pause, and the other commentator replied: "A hat trick."
Naz: this morning's episode of The Prisoner was great
Naz: it was like saw but with a woman as the bad guy, and also it had cricket
Ell: brb
Ell: i need to get something at officeworks
Naz: i think we can agree all horror movies would be slightly better if they had cricket
Ell: okay
Naz: what an oxymoron!
Naz: take that microsoft word and excel
Ell: no talk of cricket either
Ell: lol cool
Ell: but no mention of cricket
Naz: why
Naz: did a relative who played cricket get killed by an exploding cricket ball, as happened in the episode?
Naz: actually that'd improve cricket too, every so often one of the balls explodes
Ell: NO
Naz: THEN michael clarke would have something to cry about
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Future Hiro explains the future
(inspired by this Wikipedia article)
Future Hiro explains the future.
Nosebleed Hiro explains nosebleeds.
YMCA Hiro explains the YMCA.
Black Hiro explains black power.
Social Networking Hiro explains the Myspace shot.
Gangster Hiro says hello to your little friend.
...I have no idea what's going on.
Future Hiro explains business casual.
The old man's expression explains impending rape.
This photo explains Zachary Quinto's waning career.
Hiro explains to Zachary Quinto how it's supposed to be done.
Future Hiro must be passing electric current because he's a babe magnet.
Future Hiro passing currant(s).
Men are from Mars, Future Hiro sleeps with Mars.
"Hey baby"
Oh my God! Future Hiro is Kevin Rudd!
Future Hiro explains diarrhoea.Sunday, March 28, 2010
"Amongst friends, one man urinating on another is merely a parlour game" - Hosford
"I really want to make like films or TV shows so I can have the main suit-wearing big authority character say real important stuff, and end it with 'and shit':"
"Mister Jibbler, we really want you to reconsider attending this dance course. You don't fit in. I'm afraid if you don't improve we're going to let you go and shit"
"No, it has to be a serious crime show, and he's like:"
"accountable for 7 counts of rape and murder in the first degree...and shit"
I read about a man who was physically unable to play music as his terminal illness got worse, and I discussed this with a musician friend (who happens to be a drummer). For the purposes of this anecdote we'll call him...Hosford.
Coz that's his name.
He decided that terminal illness would not stop him from playing;
"I'll be Robert Carlyle man. As I die, my deadening pain all over will dim the sharper conparatively weakass fatigue cramps and pains, and I'll start just Danny DeVito busting out from being entirely numbed by the shutdown of my every bodily system.
"I feel no pain therefore I can attack Pierce Brosnan with confident vigour."
All our discussions of gardening end with him "raking the moon".
I don't know whether that's a really great joke or a really bad one.
I should be shot for being so funny. But I'm not in Belgium.
Okay that was too obscure a reference, and also I'm only a quarter Irish.
Hos:
but i guess what i'm saying in simple terms
and to semiquote dumbledore
is
Naz:
"I'm a gay wizard. Fuck you"
"Mister Jibbler, we really want you to reconsider attending this dance course. You don't fit in. I'm afraid if you don't improve we're going to let you go and shit"
"No, it has to be a serious crime show, and he's like:"
"accountable for 7 counts of rape and murder in the first degree...and shit"
I read about a man who was physically unable to play music as his terminal illness got worse, and I discussed this with a musician friend (who happens to be a drummer). For the purposes of this anecdote we'll call him...Hosford.
Coz that's his name.
He decided that terminal illness would not stop him from playing;
"I'll be Robert Carlyle man. As I die, my deadening pain all over will dim the sharper conparatively weakass fatigue cramps and pains, and I'll start just Danny DeVito busting out from being entirely numbed by the shutdown of my every bodily system.
"I feel no pain therefore I can attack Pierce Brosnan with confident vigour."
All our discussions of gardening end with him "raking the moon".
I don't know whether that's a really great joke or a really bad one.
I should be shot for being so funny. But I'm not in Belgium.
Okay that was too obscure a reference, and also I'm only a quarter Irish.
Hos:
but i guess what i'm saying in simple terms
and to semiquote dumbledore
is
Naz:
"I'm a gay wizard. Fuck you"
Friday, March 12, 2010
Kidnapped UK woman escapes pirate rape
Since I'm as formulaic as a Jay Leno joke, I'll list the rest of the uncanny headlines here (and interject with a Jay Leno-style opening monologue):
Nude photographer loses clothes at airport
"It turns out he left his clothes in his Toyota."
US woman pleads to selling kids for bird
"In her defence she said 'I'm just like Tiger Woods!' " *no audience reaction* "You know, 'coz bird can also mean woman."
I slapped pupils in face: Pope's brother
"Just like Tiger Woods' wife slapped him!"
Irish 'plot to kill Swedish cartoonist'
"By driving a Toyota!"
Asteroid to blame for dinosaur extinction
"Tiger Woods!"
Alternately, for a cheap(er) laugh he could've added the insightful commentary of "No duh. *chin waggle*"
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
"should the article on feces include this picture of a large human turd?" - Wikipedia
Wow. The parents have been away two days, and I've already managed to kill two fish says:
Why the fuck are you up?
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
YOU KILLED CHRIS SQUIRE AND DEREK K. DICK FROM MARILLION?!
Best sportsnewswoman ever?
"Everton constantly referred to "balls" in tweets about Premier League football games before the Twitter clampdown."
No, the best sportsnewswoman ever is Sarah Jones. OBVIOUSLY you guys.
bryce m. says:
well, you kinda have to
wtf, lol, I just had the randomest flashback
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
were you sitting around a table at vietnam playing russian roulette
bryce m. says:
no.
Hargreaves pointed to Little Lion Man's video clip as proof that I could replace Hosford with my feet and a kickdrum. Here is the relevant transcript.
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
ahaha i need someone to blame when things go wrong
"no, i didnt write this piece of shit song, it was hosford's"
"uh dude i was there when you wrote it, you showed me it and everything"
*throws hosford at them and runs away*
Wow. The parents have been away two days, and I've already managed to kill two fish says:
I completely understand how Accrylic steel worked now
Only
Dave wrote circles
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
haha
he only had one good song in him
unfortunately that song was an unreleased B-side where he played harmonica and insulted sam
I'm going to start live blogging now. Here's the conversation I just had!
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
i need a quick joke for the brick say something stupid/funny
In June you must give fascists hell. says:
what a genius cross rhythm
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
AHAHAH
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
also it was i who insulted sam
see what i did there, i passed it off as daves work
*throws a dave then runs*
Nude photographer loses clothes at airport
"It turns out he left his clothes in his Toyota."
US woman pleads to selling kids for bird
"In her defence she said 'I'm just like Tiger Woods!' " *no audience reaction* "You know, 'coz bird can also mean woman."
I slapped pupils in face: Pope's brother
"Just like Tiger Woods' wife slapped him!"
Irish 'plot to kill Swedish cartoonist'
"By driving a Toyota!"
Asteroid to blame for dinosaur extinction
"Tiger Woods!"
Alternately, for a cheap(er) laugh he could've added the insightful commentary of "No duh. *chin waggle*"
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
"should the article on feces include this picture of a large human turd?" - Wikipedia
Wow. The parents have been away two days, and I've already managed to kill two fish says:
Why the fuck are you up?
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
YOU KILLED CHRIS SQUIRE AND DEREK K. DICK FROM MARILLION?!
Best sportsnewswoman ever?
"Everton constantly referred to "balls" in tweets about Premier League football games before the Twitter clampdown."
No, the best sportsnewswoman ever is Sarah Jones. OBVIOUSLY you guys.
bryce m. says:
well, you kinda have to
wtf, lol, I just had the randomest flashback
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
were you sitting around a table at vietnam playing russian roulette
bryce m. says:
no.
Hargreaves pointed to Little Lion Man's video clip as proof that I could replace Hosford with my feet and a kickdrum. Here is the relevant transcript.
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
ahaha i need someone to blame when things go wrong
"no, i didnt write this piece of shit song, it was hosford's"
"uh dude i was there when you wrote it, you showed me it and everything"
*throws hosford at them and runs away*
Wow. The parents have been away two days, and I've already managed to kill two fish says:
I completely understand how Accrylic steel worked now
Only
Dave wrote circles
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
haha
he only had one good song in him
unfortunately that song was an unreleased B-side where he played harmonica and insulted sam
I'm going to start live blogging now. Here's the conversation I just had!
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
i need a quick joke for the brick say something stupid/funny
In June you must give fascists hell. says:
what a genius cross rhythm
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
AHAHAH
Your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick says:
also it was i who insulted sam
see what i did there, i passed it off as daves work
*throws a dave then runs*
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Surfer fights off shark
Hosford 1 asked Hosford the Lesser to make him a sandwich.
"Make me a sandwich."
"I'll make you a penis," was the witty retort.
"A small one," Hosford replied absent-mindedly. "Wait -"
II.
I wrote down a quote from that TV show where the cops are New Zealanders and the narrator is also a New Zealander. I really should watch that show more often. Comedy bronze. Anyway, the quote was "Operation Trojan swung into action".
I could've just written that as
"Operation Trojan swung into action" - kiwi narrator
but I didn't. I'm not really sure why.
PSYCHE!
III.
Ellie
thats gross man
Nazza
what is?
Ellie
Clutching at straws, still drowning says: (7:19:40 PM)
you know what i want to see in a film
Clutching at straws, still drowning says: (7:19:43 PM)
someone get beat to death with maraccas
Nazza
lol
well heaps of films are violent nowadays
i just want the violence to cater to my taste
if id said "you know what i want to see in a documentary"
that would be a different matter
"Kevin Costner Debuts Album"
I'm so vain I think the song is about me, and it was written 20 years before I was born.
Here's an excerpt of me being a great brother:
ALLIEgator said:
why do people use similes?
Nazza said:
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD
TO COMPARE SHIT
I think I went a little overboard.
megan says:
sd
MEGAN UFIHDR
poopy
Ascension in incentive end says:
yes
megan says:
you are poop
shgfpru
aspergers
Ascension in incentive end says:
shgfpru is now allisons name
your last name is now ufihdr
megan says:
Huh?
The perils of leaving one's laptop unattended. i like poop
IV.
Nazza: teenagers are like children with adult bodies
Nazza: that's actually really scary to think about
Ellie: lol
Ellie: yeah
Ellie: s'pecially if ur banging one
How insane is that headline? I couldn't make an insaner headline in four words. "Kevin Costner". "Debuts". "Album". I get headaches thinking about it. It's genius.
"I'm confused
I'm a girl" - RJ out of context
"Make me a sandwich."
"I'll make you a penis," was the witty retort.
"A small one," Hosford replied absent-mindedly. "Wait -"
II.
I wrote down a quote from that TV show where the cops are New Zealanders and the narrator is also a New Zealander. I really should watch that show more often. Comedy bronze. Anyway, the quote was "Operation Trojan swung into action".
I could've just written that as
"Operation Trojan swung into action" - kiwi narrator
but I didn't. I'm not really sure why.
PSYCHE!
III.
Ellie
thats gross man
Nazza
what is?
Ellie
Clutching at straws, still drowning says: (7:19:40 PM)
you know what i want to see in a film
Clutching at straws, still drowning says: (7:19:43 PM)
someone get beat to death with maraccas
Nazza
lol
well heaps of films are violent nowadays
i just want the violence to cater to my taste
if id said "you know what i want to see in a documentary"
that would be a different matter
"Kevin Costner Debuts Album"
I'm so vain I think the song is about me, and it was written 20 years before I was born.
Here's an excerpt of me being a great brother:
ALLIEgator said:
why do people use similes?
Nazza said:
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD
TO COMPARE SHIT
I think I went a little overboard.
megan says:
sd
MEGAN UFIHDR
poopy
Ascension in incentive end says:
yes
megan says:
you are poop
shgfpru
aspergers
Ascension in incentive end says:
shgfpru is now allisons name
your last name is now ufihdr
megan says:
Huh?
The perils of leaving one's laptop unattended. i like poop
IV.
Nazza: teenagers are like children with adult bodies
Nazza: that's actually really scary to think about
Ellie: lol
Ellie: yeah
Ellie: s'pecially if ur banging one
How insane is that headline? I couldn't make an insaner headline in four words. "Kevin Costner". "Debuts". "Album". I get headaches thinking about it. It's genius.
"I'm confused
I'm a girl" - RJ out of context
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Keifer Sutherland wears a dress on Letterman
Jeff Bridges plays a G chord
Christian Bale on a bicycle
Jay Mohr laughing at naked Fichtner
Conan plays "Free Bird" (must've been an unruly heckler in the audience)
Joe Biden likes trains
Christian Bale on a bicycle
Jay Mohr laughing at naked Fichtner
Conan plays "Free Bird" (must've been an unruly heckler in the audience)
Joe Biden likes trains
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