"I hate the sky" - Aaron Eckhart

100!

hosford: bah
hosford: 30 seconds to mars Closer to the Edge
hosford: yeah thats the hallmark of a prog band, regressively homaging past prog bands
nazza: "close to the edge? fuck that, we're closer!"
hosfird: what are you dream theater
nazza: we should name a song "So Close to the Edge That We're Practically The Edge Itself"
nazza: the music will be repetitive looped guitar chiming

(I'd like to point out 3StM is not a prog band, or indeed a band. It's not even an acronym really, just a bunch of letters and a number thrown together. Also, 30 Seconds to Mars sucks.)

Here's a great headline:
Stones song inspires Adam Ant Rant at Church Gig

Here's another one:
Naked date 'locked in closet'

That one's about Charlie Sheen. He went all Bob Geldof (or for you hip young Muse fans, Justin Theroux) on a hotel room. He was naked while he did so. It was post-traumatic stress disorder; he kept getting flashbacks of Vietnam.

"I'm surprisingly aroused by that" - Paul Reiser

hos: i was listening to marquee moon on the iriver today
hos: the drumming's insane
hos: it's all really hard entirely from a rudiment point of view, rhythms and syncopations and other things sam can't do
hos: as opposed to my usual problem which is a song being too skillful or speedy
naz: ahah
naz: "other things sam cant do"
naz: is a nebulous concept the size of the universe itself
hos: yeah
hos: and expanding faster

99 Luftposts

I found the greatest website ever made, by Tyler Fox.

tylerfox.com
The document contains no data.

Trivia Bob played a Muse song as one of the music trivia questions. Hosford air-drummed frenetically and got laughed at by two separate groups at pleasingly symmetrical angles.

Tom said he saw American Psycho on the weekend and I asked him if afterward he slept with Reese Witherspoon and Chloe Sevigny.

Here are amusing headlines:
Cop resigns after seeing midget porn show
Road workers paint over hedgehog
"No remorse" for spatula attack

This particular one is so awesome I needed to separate it from the rest:

Bear forced to ride motorbike on highwire

"I'm surprisingly aroused by that" - Paul Reiser

I saw JimM at bar trivia. He snuck up behind me and gave me a bear hug. I made a joke about a rape whistle. He then started drawing an animal; we guessed it was a pleisiosaur, a turtle and a The Loch Ness Monster but it turned out it was a lapras.

This quote was in a news article I have fortunately forgotten:

"[Tony Abbott] was especially enamoured with her earlier performance of All The Lovers, which featured 25 dancers undressing and gyrating around a wedding cake-shaped set."

Flying on a Blue Dream says: do you know where the croatian club is?
morgan says: no I don't but I've heard about it
morgan says: go to the polish centre
morgan says: close enough
morgan says: LOL

"I call it hindu banjo" - Paul Hester

"I have American cash...it smells like Monopoly money" - intrepid Australian Columbus Hosford (did Columbus have a sidekick with red hair and a triangular face?)

(Also, I hope their trip didn't bring syphilis back to the New World)

This headline is so insane I didn't click through the article, because I knew it wouldn't be as awesome as the image in my head: Tycoon jailed for clinging onto helicopter

also

Triathlete chomped by gator

I've waited my whole life to see the word "chomp" used in a headline.

Naked Cowboy threatens Naked Cowgirl

Clearly he realised he'd be bankrupt by the end of the week.

Model arrested for 'letting teen boys grope her'

Best. Model. Ever.

I pointed out to Tom that Christian Bale in the movie Reign of Fire looked exactly like him.

RJ said, "That can't be true. Christian Bale is hot."

naz: remember that time your dad started laughing at midget ice skating or something
morgan: OH
lol
the paralympics
midget weightlifting
and he only laughed when he couldn't lift the weight

"Lucky! Don't eat the cake!"

My sister was listening to a certain Muse song in her room and I heard it from my vantage point (baha Dennis Quaid) at the computer.

Flying on a Blue Dream says:
i knew it was microcuts before seeing your pmessage
AAUAUAUAUAUAUAUUAU WAAYAYAAAAUAOAOAOOOOUUUUUU
- Matt Bellamy
ALLIEgator! says:
are you drunk?
Flying on a Blue Dream says:
no
matt bellamy is

I read a headline "Great Train Robber Briggs in hospital". If I had a train I'd name it "Robber Briggs".

"I understand his body would ejaculate only energy" - Roger Ebert on Dr Manhattan

Hosford: man, i had a dream where i was listening to green is the colour and got bored of it and wanted to skip
Hosford: WHAT AN ABSURD DREAM

The absurdity is because everyone skips Green is the Colour. Except Sam. If I had to sum up Sam's music taste with a colour, I would say vomit is the colour.

Tyler was telling me about his novel. "It's called 'Tyler Fox: The Greatest Man Alive'...by Tyler Fox."

I replied, "So it's fiction then."

Someone used this as a trivia name; "What did the deaf mute and blind kid get for Christmas? Cancer." A guy in the crowd shouted out "TOO SOON."

I can't help but think these headlines are all connected:

-Three year old boy arrested as terror suspect in France

-Pigeon held on suspicion of spying

-Woman driver shoots herself

Man, all these jokes are from June. Except this one, which is from February last year:

"Bach was a little faggot" - Hosford

...I really don't want to know the context of that one.

"I'll smack your face" - James Woods

2:35pm - i saw michael hagan today, right in charlestown
2:37pm - that was my reaction too, dignified silence

Someone mentioned 1999. Hosford quipped "1999...Melbourne's only premiership year"

"What's a Bieber?"
"It's a type of tropical fish"

I saw someone in the credits of a TV show called Jennifer Chew. (That was the name of the person, not the TV show. If there was it'd probably be about a superhero called The Masticator.)

I remarked "How's that for a last name, Chew."

Allison replied "If I had that last name, I'd call my child Pika."

Goran was ranked 18th Hottest Croatian Male Movie Star of All Time (OF ALL TIME) on some list. Hosford announced "there must be some fuckin hot Croatian cinema."

naz: there was an ad on musicmax a few times
naz: it showed the word TIMELESS over madonna, whose music is about as timeless as her hideous face
naz: then it showed UNFORGETTABLE over some footage that even if i had seen before i wouldve forgotten
naz: and finally IMMORTAL over michael jackson

"Tom Selleck!" - Allison

RJ: i like the sentiment of Undisclosed Desires
hosford: yeah i like the sentiment too
hosford: as a male who nevertheless appreciates matt bellamy's attractiveness, the 4 minute sentiment of 'i'm a raging homo' gives me hope

I was doing the sudoku in the newspaper, and it was right underneath the big crossword. So I was browsing the clues, one was "Kurt Cobain's group (7)".

I filled in "dead men".

naz: man the FOABP tour dvd is coming out soon
naz: ill finally be able to experience a steven wilson 5.1 mix and see what its like
hos: heh
hos: you'll foabp over it every night

"sex robots" - William Fichtner

I wandered over to the table, which was covered with garbage from a previous meal, an empty cup, and some unsanitary-looking spills. Hudson was complaining that he had no friends. I responded, "You have many friends, like ... cup"

My sister keeps saying "Emerson Lake & LOLmer" to one of her friends. Keith Emerson responded by stabbing her Hammond organ. Luckily we're only looking after it for her other friend, the Spencer Davis Group.

Grenada man "friends with beheaded man"

That friendship must be awkward. "Jesus! That guy has no head!" "Oh, it's okay, he's with me."

Plot to kill Pope thwarted - another awesome headline. (Apparently Stone Rockford was thwarted.)

Speaking of Tyler, he inadvertently (or maybe vertently) insulted Ewan McGregor. This chapped RJ's bridge. She responded by informing Tyler of all the things Ewan McGregor has that Tyler hasn't, concluding with "Ewan McGregor has banged more famous chicks than you, Tyler."

I responded, "Only one more."

Later someone submitted the trivia joke "What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 3 stone" to which Tyler yelled "Learn the metric system!"

I wrote down "VANGELIS KICKS ASS" as the answer to a question I didn't know. Levi asked whether that was the actual answer.

It should've been.

I heard that a day later Trivia Bob got beaten up by some Greek guy with a keyboard.

While Levi was on the Ninemsn website I saw the headline "Disturbing" pedophile file found in bin accompanied by a picture of a couple holding a baby. It was only after I laughed at "pedophile file" that I realised the picture was to a different story, about an IVF baby. Then I laughed some more.

I saw Sam Rockwell dancing on Letterman. It was almost as impressive as his dancing in Moon. Which, in turn, wasn't as impressive as his moonwalk.

*drumkit falls over*

I read the following sentence on a website. "If you recall, last week we took an airplane ride over Chordland". I don't recall any sort of plane ride, let alone one over the greatest country ever.

morgo: i've been seeing moon everywhere now
nazza: it's coz it's up in the sky

Hosford partook in a uni game called "Assassin", where participants assassinate each other by pressing their student ID cards against their target. If only JFK was playing, then he would've had a chance. John Lennon would've been screwed anyway though.

Hosford had managed through sheer luck to survive most of the term without being assassinated, although his assassin, a man named Hammond, had walked right by without realising. He also happened to turn up to the one trivia session that Hosford was late for.

Having got through another trivia session alive, Hosford began to celebrate when Hammond snuck up behind him and assassinated him.

I quipped, "In Soviet Russia, Hammond stabs you!"

.

I was reading a "scary" "story" involving an experiment, sorry, an "experiment", involving "sleep deprivation". "I" "read" "the" following "comment" on it:

You actually do go crazy if you lack enough sleep. Some DJ in Denmark went the world record (11 days, I think) and started to play the same music over and over again without realizing it.

That DJ later worked at NXFM.

"That's not fair! Christian Bale doesn't have a kraken"

My trivia name last week was:

I'm Jimmy Fallon, and I'm too busy laughing to deliver my joke.

...

It got booed.