"JAMES BOND IS GETTING HIT IN THE BALLS WITH A ROPE" - Jim Kaston

Patrick Swayze is dead. But don't worry, he'll return as a ghost and make some pottery.

Youtube Quote for the Ages: "i remember one time i told a girl she looked like roger waters(believe me she did) and she threw a book at me."

I also managed to read this unbiased description of Jason Taylor, on an article about him getting fired: "He is a loser, he played for loser clubs, his face screams, look at me Im a loser."

The guy who punched him is going to use that in court as his defense.

Hosford: GREG POOPS
Hosford: propps*
Hosford: proops*
Nazza: greatest succession of typos ever

I am the most hyperbolicly exaggeratory man in the universe.

I was watching standup on TV and my sister shouted out "KITKAT" like a retard, on account of there were kitkats in the fridge. Then a second later Mitch Hedberg began a joke with "I like Kitkats." It was freaky. And not a Friday.

Define Mutation: "When a normal person becomes one of the X-men"

He later told another senator: "You can get f***ed." Mr Rudd admits he swore.

(in reaction to the Busy status) "BUSY? I'LL BUSY YOUR FACE! YOU'RE MORE BUSY THAN EPPING FOREST!"

I told my sister she was an idiot. She replied "I'm not an idiot. ... ... I spilt chocolate milk on my shirt." Then she closed the door the same moment the smoke alarm went off, and thought it was the door that set it off.

Hosford's dad suggested Hosford become a prostitute to raise money, then quipped "but I suppose you want to make money not lose it."

I won trivia name contest twice, the first time for my Swayze joke and the second time for "[Trivia Bob], I'm happy for you and I'mma let you finish, but Boat Night trivia was the best trivia ever!" Notably, both times he called me a sad man.

We also managed to lose for the first time to someone who wasn't Peter Serafinowicz!!

Hudson said "If I had a band, I'd call it The Big Glove, so when we finished the announcer would say 'Let's have a big hand for The Big Glove!"

Hosford replied "If you had a band, ...it'd be shit."

Levi walked in like a nerd with his lightsaber so Peter Serafinowicz' trivia joke was (paraphrased) "That guy has a glow in the dark butt plug."

Jim Kaston left his newspaper behind so I began drawing moustaches on everyone in the photos. Including Kevin Rudd. And women. And on men who already had moustaches. Then I drew a moustache on a picture of Earth. There was an ad where a row of people were holding their hands like the logo of the Salvation Army but without the cup, so I drew in a Rubix Cube and fireballs (DBZ style).


Jim Kaston, Jim Smitsford and I (Jim Jerkface) were in the Engineering building looking for Levi, who had stolen Kaston's warez. We had to be very quiet and use our inside voices, but then Kaston's phone rang so we danced in the hallways until it stopped ringing.

After suffering a fair amount of abuse at the table, Hudson was viewing something particularly dire and said "Kill me now." Hosford replied, "Maybe you shouldn't use that particular phrase." Then Scott stabbed him with his beard.

I performed half of the Babar Theme on the uni piano, which got me 50c from Scott. This is the first money I've ever made as a performer.

Scott left his laptop open so I wrote "Hey chaps" on his Facebook. He deleted it for some reason.

The other morning the sky was red due to a dust storm. Unfortunately, my screenname was still "Apocalypse Please". Within an hour three different people all commented something like "You got your request." So I decided to change my screenname to avoid any more bad jokes, to "Dust in the Wind".

Naz: I've learned the intros to two Genesis songs, half a UK song and half of the Babar Theme
Sam: put em together and you've got a chart topping hit of jet proportions, rogue trader proportions even
Naz: for a chart-topper of Jet or Rogue Trader proportions I'd have to take a dump in the sink and fuse it with the cat's litter box

I also told Sam to put on a hat coz he was reflecting into the atmosphere. It's funny coz he has red hair.

"Density can kiss my mass"