ROAD EATS TRUCK

Sister 1: "Who is that robot man?"
Naz: "That robot man? Arnold Schwarzenegger?"
Sister 2: "ROBIN WILLIAMS!"

In the news a few days ago some woman died while on a crash diet program called "the LighterLife program". She is the "third person to die using the diet in as many years". Whoever named that diet is an evil genius.

"From now on the right is no longer the right, the left is right" - Jim Waley

Our cat likes to sleep on top of one of the stereo speakers, which sits on top of the TV cabinet. The other night I heard a loud BANG and went in, hoping the cat hadn't knocked one of the speakers over...to see him crawling out from behind the cabinet covered in dust.

Trivia Bob was reading out trivia questions (how unusual) and did a "Who am I" question. I said "A fat bastard." Then he said, "I'm 500 kilometres wide..." Levi turned to me and said "He *is* a fat bastard."

Speaking of Levi, I heard someone on TV saying "It's amazing how dumb Levi is in real life." But they were probably talking about that guy who knocked up Sarah Palin's spawn.

"Its like a towel, it's like a towel, it's like a - towel"

"Jackass" - President Obama

I was going to write an essay and decided since I had no clue what the hell it was trying to ask me to do, I'd write about bullshit. Hosford suggested using this opening paragraph:

'Bullshit is a western colloquialism used to express dissatisfaction with an activity or concept; it derives from the idea that the faeces of male cows presents itself as particularly odoriferous.'

"inflatable dick" - Phil Collins

Scott linked me a photo as a birthday present. It was highly disturbing.
Nazza: WHATTHEFUCK
Scott: so you saw?
Scott: are you scarred/scared?
Nazza: yes
Scott: Well ... Happy Birthday!!!

(back story: James' bro got hit in the face by some kid, like that time THE BALL HIT EGG IN THE FACE except instead of a barrel-o-laffs it was police-o-riffic)

Everywhere a Judas: AFTER THE ORDEAL by GENESIS
Fitzgibbob: you're an ordeal
Everywhere a Judas: your mum was an ordeal in the sack
Fitzgibbob: your brother had an ordeal in the face
Everywhere a Judas: ahah yeeah
Everywhere a Judas: they're still at the hospital mum just rang
Everywhere a Judas: it's nuts
Fitzgibbob: crazy
Fitzgibbob: I thought the punch was to his nose not his crotch
Fitzgibbob: BAM
Everywhere a Judas: oh ow
Everywhere a Judas: all the dirt on me is totally gone

"Screw you cricinfo! How is Wilshaun Michtner an invalid name"