2 Levis 1 Cup

"Scott, pull it out already, you're getting me all wet"

Scott showed me Neil Patrick Harris on his ipod. It was awesome.

I witnessed Tim "Beatle cut" the First dancing. That he lost the dance-off is proof the trivia guy is not an accurate adjudicator.

I heard, in the funniest American accent, some TV show narrator say "What happens when a guy impersonates a crash test dummy?"

Levi 1: Levi was watching Pokemon on his laptop, in the bar where people were drinking. Some guys took out their phones to photograph this phenomena. (They were playing Pokemon Safari?)

Levi 2: Levi and I both witnessed something awesome. We then laughed hysterically.

(on an advertisement for a tutor with 20 years' experience with math) "Too bad he didn't have 20 years experience with a word processor."

"Anyway, the atmosphere matters more than the music."
"Especially when the music's crap."

I witnessed James "I directed Titanic" Cameron air-fluting. It was awesome.

a grave accident of bike

Levi read out a Dinosaur Comic dramatically (with accompanying facial expressions), and Scott also verbalised some comic in the newspaper while I was sudokuing. I didn't record these recitals on my recording device. It's my biggest regret in life.

Some random guy Levi met knew Merry. It was awesome.

Youtube comments are a comedy goldmine:

"For a random string of digits you sure put a man in his place."

"The bible was a book written by a bunch of half mad, superstitious jews running around the desert before underwear was invented."

"Do you hear from your bell end?"

I ended up staring at the sudoku for ages without figuring out anything useful, so I started putting letters and symbols in the squares. Infinity is a wildcard! I also put the side of a die in one square.

I also went late night DVD shopping and bought "Heat". Scott found this an incredibly interesting story. There was a price sticker over the T so when I showed it to my sister she was all "What is 'hea'?"

"Stop grinding chocolate into my newspaper!" - Tim "Big Red" Heavy-Chas

After the rousing success of last week's trivia joke, I used my "Schwarzenegger Batman & Robin" joke. It got booed. I was so caught up in the moment I began booing too.

Scott was on the phone. I said "Oh Scott" in a manner later described as one reading the financials in the paper. The person on the other end now thinks Scott makes my stocks rise. ;)

I saw Red "Big Red" Morgan get into a van with an excited look on his face.

I stole Levi's magic umbrella again. But this time it was as a joke, and I gave it back 5 minutes later, as opposed to 5 hours. Then he showed off his Han Solo keyring and Hosford bellowed R-rated pointlessness to the world, but because we were outside we couldn't tell him to use his inside voice.

I saw some kid who looked like Harry Potter and had to stifle my laughter.

The "actual money" trivia question was who was the first president to live in the White House. I wrote Barack Obama. I didn't get it right. But then, Jimmy "Big Red" Smitsford got it right and he still didn't win.

Youtube comment: "He won't stop calling me a stupid white person even though I keep telling him I'm not white"

"I was thinking, The Cure and Bob Dylan aren't actually that different"
"They both make good music with bad singers?"

"I'm gonna put some verbs in my sentences" - Dr Phil

Har: you could try being The Doors, find an organist
Har: and be like "yay no bass player"
Naz: that'd mean I'd have to take the role of clever minimalist guitarist, and sex-god lead singer
Har: you could do that, only problem is it would make you a clever minimalist sex god
Naz: I think that might be the first time someone's said "minimalist sex god"

"I didn't like bones much" - bisexual man (on The Killers)

Excerpts from an Enthralling Genesis Conversation:

"Mike Rutherford could play cello"

"I fail to see how Peter Gabriel is connected to Genesis in any way"

"If you compare the '86 albums So and Invisible Touch, it's like comparing, well, Phil Collins' attractiveness with Peter Gabriel's"

"Peter Gabriel is the singer"

Apparently Tim Chas1000kg passed on my message to Merry. It's all falling into plan...

"I'm worried to install MSN on my laptop because Hosford's MSN is full of viruses. Every time he talks to me he transfers them to my computer. It's like AIDS."

"I love Guy Pratt last night in bed" - Hosford

From a cricket article:

Pakistan's home ODI series against Zimbabwe in January missed the radar of most, but it didn't deserve the gut-churning commentary it got from a clutch of ex-Pakistan internationals and a random Zimbabwean (who asked Zaheer Abbas on air who Kerry Packer was).

If you ask me, we need more commentators who are random Zimbabweans.

Yesterday I spoke on the telephone with a woman who said "Robert Fripp" to me. It was the greatest moment of my life.

I'm pretty sure the apocalypse is near. Limp Bizkit are reforming. (All bad foods do.) A guy called Mr Weiner wrote an article saying they deserve a second chance. A comment was posted about how "It wasn't the same without them, and Blink 182 (they're reforming as well), now it's all Jonas Brothers" without seeing the irony. (JBrothers demographic: 8-12 year olds. Blink 182 demographic: 12-14 year olds.)

And now I've included three of the worst names in music on my brick. I think I have to destroy it now.

"It's funny because it's so disturbingly erotic"

The only Batman movie to have a politician starring is also the clear-cut worst. Government ruins everything!

"Why won't Iggy Pop put a shirt on"

Speaking of Schwarzenegger, he decided to combat the giant amount of debt his state is in by buying a bear statue. Hey, it's a better plan than Washington came up with.

Naz: even if he had totally crappy politics, having Christian Bale in power would be great
Naz: just for misquoting as 'President Batman' or 'President John Connor'
Naz: or the puns, like 'Patrick Bateman slashes budget'

Or "John Connor says solar energy is the future"

Or "Hey I was in two movies with William Fichtner"

Or "That wasn't even a pun, this update is too political, you goddamn nazi fascist"

Ron Paul is actually Ron Paul Jones, son of the bassist guy. What kind of last name is Paul anyway. More like a first name.

Amnesiac says: my brain hasn't been working properly today

I laughed at a Bunnings ad again yesterday. I'm starting to worry about myself.

"Stick it in your mouth" - Scott (propositioning me)

I forgot to regale you with my genius trivia joke from last week. So here it is, in all its "[Brett Stewart] you banana" glory:

What happened to the trivia guy who didn't read out my joke?
I stabbed him when he left the GT bar.

...

He didn't read it out.

So I stabbed him!

But only metaphorically.

This week's joke got rousing applause. I felt as if I was moving in slow motion to receive my prize. Turns out, I was just walking really slowly and got reprimanded for it. It's probably the only time someone will ever say to me "Hurry up next time, we can only clap for so long."

Maybe that's what someone said to that Moonlight Sonata chick who keeps playing it too fast in the Brennan Room.

Jimmy Smitsford has made a habit of throwing scrunched up balls of paper and other oddities at the bins from afar. So far his record is 0 from 25. Yesterday he threw a ball of paper at the bin and I said "Seriously, have you actually got it in once yet?" He responded antagonistically.

When the trivia winner went up to collect his prize everyone at our table independently thought of the joke of shouting "LAPTOP". I realised just now that story has not been relayed at all to the faithful viewer, all two of you.

Last week our entire table got disqualified because Levi was using a laptop to get his joke-name and one answer. The Bob Woodward of this operation, some guy who yelled "LAPTOP" when he won, didn't actually know whether he had a laptop and just shouted it for laffs.

Anyway, the guy in the present story ended up getting disqualified, despite being a dead ringer for Peter Serafinowicz. The runner-up also got disqualified. So ironically our table won. So (illegitimately) our table has won basically every trivia arvo since the second week.

There was a photo of Des Hasler in the paper looking braindead.

Some guy walked past our table at lunch, and he was holding a rolled-up poster. He dropped it on the floor. Five seconds after he'd picked it up, Jimmy (aka JimmH) burst out laughing. While the guy was looking right at him. Words cannot describe the expression that guy had.

Jimmh was enlightening us on his gender-based thesis throughout daily discourse; paraphrased slightly "Women are either intelligent or attractive." Upon disgust by Morgan's female friend, "that girl who is Morgan's friend but isn't that girl who is Morgan's friend", aka Emily, Hosford elaborated on his verbal abstract, explaining that it wasn't a dichotomous thing, "that some women can have 50/50." At this point she constructively criticised, "Okay, stop talking now." It was awesome.[Citation needed]

"I write stuff like 'elvis lives on' in the middle of my essays to see if they pick it up"

Some couple walked past at the bus stop, and the only snippet I heard of the conversation was the woman going "Making love to you is like making love to a brick wall. Hard, tough and brown."

Morgan's computer broke. He was ripping a Beegees CD (heebee jeebie) when suddenly a loud noise happened mid-rip. He opened the CD tray and shattered fragments of the CD were all that remained. He was afraid to take it to get fixed because the repairman would open it up and find fragments of a Beegees CD as the problem, and laugh at his taste in music.

"Where's the Canadian?" - Obama

While I was sitting with JAMES MERRY and Tim (or should that be TIM!!), Levi wandered over and unceremoniously dropped his umbrella and heavy backpack onto the table, the umbrella which nearly hit me. I figured, benefit of the doubt, but when he started throwing garbage at me and I got strawberry milk on my pants I decided to unceremoniously walk out. With his umbrella.

It was epic.

I sat with Mansell (aka JimM) who informed me of Morgan's drunk-driving habits, and how he's never sober. Some odd running joke was that the empty Coke bottle on the table was going to be used for "sperm donation" purposes. When Hudson arrived with his own half-drank Coke, someone asked him "What are you going to do with the bottle when you're finished drinking it all?"

Hudson was all *nervous shifty eyes* "I'm leaving now."

"Not yet! You haven't emptied the bottle!"

So then Hudson was all *nervous shifty eyes* "I think I'll go over here" and moved away from them, in the manner of a nervous shifty-eyed person.

"Oh okay, just keep it under the table."

Mansell was told his fly was undone; it didn't faze him. I'm pretty sure it was still undone when he went to his physics class.

Some religious guy wanted Smitsford and I to fill out a form about Easter. He bribed us with an easter egg. I didn't want to leave my actual name and details so I wrote down "Tony Levin", and my email as "tone11@gmail". Turns out that email was taken before I could register it. So, that guy's going to be surprised to find random religious emails from Australia out of the blue.

I got this painting in poster form. If you can be assed commenting, include your interpretation of what it is.

(It's funny because Morgan is the most responsible drinker ever.)