"I was thinking, The Cure and Bob Dylan aren't actually that different"
"They both make good music with bad singers?"
"I'm gonna put some verbs in my sentences" - Dr Phil
Har: you could try being The Doors, find an organist
Har: and be like "yay no bass player"
Naz: that'd mean I'd have to take the role of clever minimalist guitarist, and sex-god lead singer
Har: you could do that, only problem is it would make you a clever minimalist sex god
Naz: I think that might be the first time someone's said "minimalist sex god"
"I didn't like bones much" - bisexual man (on The Killers)
Excerpts from an Enthralling Genesis Conversation:
"Mike Rutherford could play cello"
"I fail to see how Peter Gabriel is connected to Genesis in any way"
"If you compare the '86 albums So and Invisible Touch, it's like comparing, well, Phil Collins' attractiveness with Peter Gabriel's"
"Peter Gabriel is the singer"
Apparently Tim Chas1000kg passed on my message to Merry. It's all falling into plan...
"I'm worried to install MSN on my laptop because Hosford's MSN is full of viruses. Every time he talks to me he transfers them to my computer. It's like AIDS."
"I love Guy Pratt last night in bed" - Hosford
From a cricket article:
Pakistan's home ODI series against Zimbabwe in January missed the radar of most, but it didn't deserve the gut-churning commentary it got from a clutch of ex-Pakistan internationals and a random Zimbabwean (who asked Zaheer Abbas on air who Kerry Packer was).
If you ask me, we need more commentators who are random Zimbabweans.
Yesterday I spoke on the telephone with a woman who said "Robert Fripp" to me. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure the apocalypse is near. Limp Bizkit are reforming. (All bad foods do.) A guy called Mr Weiner wrote an article saying they deserve a second chance. A comment was posted about how "It wasn't the same without them, and Blink 182 (they're reforming as well), now it's all Jonas Brothers" without seeing the irony. (JBrothers demographic: 8-12 year olds. Blink 182 demographic: 12-14 year olds.)
And now I've included three of the worst names in music on my brick. I think I have to destroy it now.
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1 comment:
This is massive.
The monstrosity of this post can not be adequately summarized through stanzas. I will instead create a short story containing everything that makes this update great.
One day Tim Chaston was having rough minimalist sex with a random zimbabwean when Mr Weiner walked in and admonished him for shouting out 'Oh yes Robert' and other exclamations without the grammatical centrepiece, the verb and they split up.
Then Mr Mugabe caught aids off an unnamed rapist but he didn't know so he accidentally passed it on to his cat when he got home. Then the cat had sex with Mike Rutherford's cat and passed the aids on to it. After the cat died Mike Rutherford was sad so he formed a really bad love song band to outpour his newfound emotional sensitivity. But then Paul Carrack died so he was replaced by Guy Pratt so now the band was awesome, which conflicted with Mr Rutherford's image.
So Guy Pratt and Mike Rutherford ended up on Dr Phil and he said they should settle their differences by having a cello contest, the winner would get the band. Guy Pratt won coz he's awesome so Mike got angry and tried to wee on Guy so that he'd get aids, as Mike had had sex with his cat meaning he surely had the disease. But Tim Chaston jumped in and saved the day. He jumped in front of the wee but it vapourised as soon as it came within 5 centimetres of his skin. Then Mr Weiner, who was in the audience simply to enjoy a pleasant episode of his favourite show, stood up and peeled his face back, revealing he was actually Barqueavez. Barqueavez went 'NO YOU HAVE FOILED MY PLAN TO KILL THE ENTIRE WORLD WITH MY AIDS and lunged at Tim Chaston. Everyone gasped. Jack Bauer went 'DAMMIT AUDREY' for slightly too long so he was unable to intervene. But then William Fichtner suddenly appeared and killed Barqueavez with his fatal turkey slap and the world lived happily ever after. Except poor Fichtner who's penis smelled for a thousand years.
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