"Things are very tense in my mouth at the moment"

"HE PUNCHED ME IN THE GOB"

The economy's so bad, the government's started bailing out The Cars.

Fortunately they aren't bailing out Duran Duran.

I saw a headline "WA attempted rape". Evidently the whole state got behind the initiative. A pity they failed in their attempt.

Bryce: Did you hear there is gonna be a 24 hour live parliament channel?
Naz: wow 24 hours
Naz: "I'm gonna watch the empty parliament"
Naz: "oh look the janitor's sweeping up!"
Naz: "PUT THAT AWAY JOHN HOWARD"

Apparently there's a Prison Break video game coming out soon. Let's hope there's no "Hot Coffee" mod.

"The Wii is the best option"
"Followed by the Pu"

(I apologise for that pun)

"I told this girl I was Christian...it seriously backfired. She thinks we're incompatible because I won't put out."
"HOW IRONIC"

Hos: I keep seeing your pic [The Lone Rhinoceros - Adrian Belew] and thinking of the Mountain Dew ad
Naz: "Unlike Adrian Belew, which can never be tamed."

"We need to invent a dance for Ron Paul"

Naz: WHOA [Ivan Pavlov was born on my birthday]
Hos: I wonder what day his dog was born on

"Fear of being seen as immature is immature. DOODY FACE"

Headline: Seven dumps Jessica Rowe
"It's not you, it's me"

"you're an individual basis"

It's one of those "You can't ruin the song even if you're Bowie singing like a black man" things

"Man I think Smiths are drugging me"
"Dammit, you know you're a music nerd when you don't think of chips first"

"What's the name of Billy Shears guy [who allegedly replaced Paul McCartney]?"
"Billy Shears"

Hos: what a hoe
Hos: pop a cap into her
Hos: preferrably
Hos: WIDE BRIMMED

"Is the +2 channel 1 hour or 2 hours [behind]?" - Ben

"Ode to Joy really pisses me off"

hos: that means the next one must start with me perving basically, and noticing hotness of chicks
naz: "Words of a Poet"

"I'm going to record things on David Gilmour's boat"

"I wrote a poem once, it goes...

I dropped my pen
Oh shit what am I writing this with then"

"That's kinda like mine, I mean, the love one I wrote for Amanda"
"Amanda, I wish you were a man-da"

"I created a sarchasm"

"You can't sell a tomato for $40!"

AFL Coach: "They say we're supposed to enjoy the week before the grand final. Well I didn't enjoy it."

"A beard doesn't win a football game."

Stats courses are great. It's the only place where you "reject Ho" if your p-value is small.

"Sam's going to pay for sax from a man."

"I have a large P-value" - Lecturer

Student: What's that E thing? (written on board by Teacher)
Teacher: I don't know.

"We can't ever do covers"
=five minutes later=
"OMG we have to do a cover!"

The teacher wrote "reject Ho" on the board (Ho is the null hypothesis). I would've enjoyed watching the next class's reaction to that message.

WOMAN IN POSITION OF AUTHORITY QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Maybe you've discovered the hidden orgasm!"

MOONBUSINESS

Naz: It's kinda hard to feel wistful for something that's always existed
Naz: like if the moon disappeared I'd be all "damn the moon was awesome"
Naz: well that's not a good example, I find the moon awesome and appreciate it every night
Naz: maybe the sun
Naz: if the sun disappeared I'd be all "damn I'm gonna die now"
Naz: but as it stands now I'm all "[copulate] you sun I'm cold, way to not shine, but shine enough to cause global warming, and give me headaches"
Hos: I like how the sun going makes you think you're going to die but the moon going just makes you think of what an awesome massive beast the moon was
Hos: apparently you'll survive without consequence
Hos: you'll just miss the moon coz it was awesome
Naz: well, the moon isn't powering all life as we know it, is it
Naz: if the moon wasn't around, things would change
Naz: but it wouldn't be "oh shit we have about 5 minutes before this becomes a ball of ice"

infracture

Apparently I'm the type of guy you'd walk off the footpath to avoid late at night.

"I was looking at the prices of saxophones, they are so expensive! But I really want one."
"Sam's desperate for sax."

"I touched his penis...with my mouth" - Jenny

"I'm too angry for fart jokes"

Apparently some guy is getting renowned as the new Bob Dylan, minus the politics.

Hos: It's like
Hos: There's nothing else
Hos: Bob Dylan IS politics
Hos: Bob Dylan without politics is simply =
Hos: great compliment
Hos: "this person is sheer and pure nothingness"
Hos: "Dave you are bob dylan minus the politics"
Naz: yeah fat slag
Hos: Bob Dylan - politics = John Cage

"[Porcupine Tree]'s not heavy enough though"
"If I want heavy I'll just put on Meshuggah...

...to go with Mepeppah"


"Wow you've just given me my worst fear. That removalists will steal the entirety of everything we own."

Opposite Day is a Blockable Offense

The Opening Ceremony is so much more exciting when you know that if anyone makes a mistake they'll get executed.

"Dammit I shouldn't read philosophy before bed"

"I'm going to give you my daily tip"
"This isn't gonna be like last time you offered me your tip? I'm not putting that in my mouth again"

Hosfordfucius say, "The Chinese are good organisers. Indeed you have to be to kill so many."

I find the totalitarian regimes put on the good shows. They can't just go "hey we treat our people well", they have to put some effort into looking good.

Hos: The Mongols made it to Peking
Naz: THEY BREACHED THE WALL

"Swaziland!"
"I'm a neo-swazi"

Hos: And now I've burned my troats [copulating] HELL!
Naz: troats!
Naz: are they all on fire going "Save us [Hosford]"
Naz: and you're like "no! not my faithful troats!" and grab a waterhose

Overthrow your brain!

"Sam's waited too long for sax."

"Don't pull the...whatever." - Sam, after an attempt to remove his shoelace

"Put 'sex' in the by" - a quote from a Uni teacher

Lecturer: "Sentence completion tests, they're pretty self-explanatory," followed by a detailed explanation.

Business Decision Making = learning when to say "none of your business"

The Stapler Incident

"At least two of my uni classes have 10 minutes set aside in the first session to teach you how to log onto the computers. Seems the Bachelor of IT is very thorough."

"I only realised today the Auchmuty library is pronounced 'archimede'. That's kind of like pronouncing Aristotle 'ovusplantface'."

"She's adamant."
"I'm Adam Ant."

"I have an 80% chance of passing this statistics class. But...I could just be really bad at statistics."

Apparently Joe's brother (who is at least as awesome as Joe) is working at a hotel in Sydney, and is a bilingual dude who talks to the international guests. Anyway, he only speaks French, but since he was the only bilingual person on duty when this frantic Japanese man came in, he was called down to try and figure it out.

So this Japanese man was really distressed and kept repeating the same sentence over and over, Joe's brother randomly guessed and pointed at the toilets...which was what the Japanese man was demanding! He should go on that show "The One", except he's not crap.

I was the second person to make an entendre about Tom's joystick-themed screenname. Yeah!

Naz: so what was it you were going to say?
Naz: that you are a rocket man?
Naz: that the owner of a lonely heart is much better than the owner of a broken heart? Coz someone else already said that.

What I Learned from the New Batman Movie

Batman has a lisp.

Gary Oldman has a glorious moustache.

The Joker is a crossdresser.

The US government should hire Batman to do their civilian spying.

William Fichtner kicks ass no matter what movie he's in.

"King Crimson are so repetitive and boring"

AKA Why My Sister Has Absolutely No Clue About Music

A lecturer was discussing plagiarism. (In the spirit of the topic, this is paraphrased slightly as I can't remember the actual sentence anyway.) "Of course you shouldn't only be worried about getting caught. As Newcastle students you have some ethics."

Tim Chaston: "Except the business students."

Naz: also I am legitimately concerned
Hos: I thought that said constipated

There was an article about Obama defending Israel. "Wow, Obama actually mentioned a political issue."

"The uni should set up a WAP for security."
"Just wap on a WAP."

On sniffing cappucino powder, "I hate it when I sniff powder."
"Especially when it's unintentional."

My Science-Statistics lecturer drew a diagram. There was a large circle, representing the demographic surveyed, with a bunch of little dots in it representing the individual people within. To illustrate her point she circled one of the dots and drew a line, but the line was wobbly, so it looked like a sperm entering an egg. I LOLLED

"megacrap.psd"

I have a (possibly short) lecturer called Chris who said the drawing of a monkey in his slideshow was his self-portrait.

A double-bass/keyboard duo played some awesomeness at the Shortland Hub.

There was a story in the newspaper Morgansan was reading about a neurotic woman who killed her husband with an antique knife. "That'd devalue the antique."

According to Hosford, he has a lecturer with the initials MDK.

The guy who was delivering Merry's beverage didn't know where he was and the coffeeshop girl said "No he's the beautiful one, that way," indicating where he sat.
"He is beautiful," was the reply.

In preparation for the Olympics, Sam and I played 'flick the Solo lid between the Solo bottle (5% lemon!) and the chips cup'.

"It'd be a lot better if real koalas were filled with caramel too."

"I'm not a medical expert but I watched this show once" - business lecturer

"Well, they say you are what you eat!"
"Then you're 5% lemon."

--

Lecturer Chris: "I get third-year design students who still are disorganised and name their files 'shit1' or 'shit2' or 'megacrap'."

"He used that...ironing thing?" "An iron."

I left my Canterbury Bulldogs thongs in the laundry, and our cat grabbed one and placed it in his litterbox. Evidently even pets know how shit they are.

I had a dream where Steve Carrell gave me candy, and a limp handshake.

I'm now going to analyse this deeply, to find out what's at the bottom of my psyche:

...

...

...

Steve Carrell needs to work on his handshaking skill.

"No more wallaby robots" - actual headline

"The Newcastle Knights came to watch me play football"
"In Soviet Russia, Knights watch you play!"

"Look at that 'Hertz' van. I bet if someone got run over by it, it would hertz."

*at 'White Hot Chocolate' on menu* "Do you reckon that's hot chocolate that's white, or chocolate so hot that it's white hot?"

Apparently John Butler is the only dreadlocked artist to win an ARIA. Each time I see a dreadlocked musician I remind them of this.

Lleyton Hewitt's Mother

I went to a Hosford-approved 18th party the other couple of days. Highlights include;

-a Dream Theater fan telling King Crimson to stop being pretentious
-Hosford knocking over beverages onto the Trivial Pursuit board TWICE (the first time he ruined my champagne/lollysnake cocktail)
-singing along to Hocus Pocus' "Focus"
-a running joke involving Jim Kaston

"Who won 2 gold medals in the 2000 Olympics?" "Jim Kaston."

"Who was Mark Phillipousis' date during Wimbledon?" "Jim Kaston!"

"Want cake?" *brandishing large knife*

"Who does Bernie Taupin write lyrics for?"
"I don't know!"

*on Tiny Dancer being played* "Hey, it's Elton John! With lyrics by Bernie Taupin!"

"Who wrote most of the soundtrack to Lion King?"
"Elton John. With lyrics by Bernie Taupin!"
"...wasn't that Tim Rice?"

"What was the largest object ever to have been carried by plane?" "Jim Kaston!"

Apologies to Jim Kaston.

Now, for this draft post to shapeshift into form of...published post!

*DWAYNE*

Secret Government Recording of an MSN Conversation

Naz: Dammit
Naz: I wanna update zweibrick
Naz: but I have no material
Naz: ok tomorrow I'll be hilarious funny
Hos: yeah
Hos: what genre of funny?
Naz: I just told you, hilarious funny
Naz: Dick.

"DOUBLE BASS?!?!"

Bob Loblaw's Law Blog

Mansell: Some guy asked me what my last name was, so I said "Rodriguez". "Really?" "No!"

That little kid Connor or whatever, let's call him Brian, was singing to the radio. Which would be forgivable if it were King Crimson on the radio (hint: it's never forgivable). So Rodriguez said "Don't sing to the radio it makes you look like a [Performing Arts school] kid."

I laughed.

Connor went "Why are you laughing, didn't you go to that school?"

We all laughed.

After clearing up his confusion, Rodriguez elaborated. "You know how you can tell he didn't go to [Performing Farts school]? Coz he's going to uni now."

"Why don't you guys sit up the back? You're both older than [whoever sits up the back]."

Rodriguez: "You know how in the 50's blacks sat up the back coz they were said to be inferior? Same thing." (Except for the whole 'they weren't inferior' thing.)

Hi Chris! I saw a guy who looked like you. Unless you aren't Chris.

"I wanna be Chocolate Man"

"How many billy goats gruff got through?"
"All three! Small billy goats gruff, medium billy goats gruff, big billy goats gruff"
"Don't forget jumbo-sized billy goats gruff"

Since I can't remember anything else vaguely funny, here's a link to an amusing drummer.

I managed to finish a uni assessment 4 hours before it was due.

I watched the Bulldogs of '04 beat the Bulldogs of '08 last night. That means my two favourite teams got beaten by at least 40 points within a week.

"Bill is not a good jazz drummer" - John Wetton

"International Standards Organisation is a standards organisation"

Nazza: When are you going to post on your brick?
Chris: 12th of Never sound good?
Nazza: No, no it doesn't.
Nazza: unless Never magically appears on my calendar
Nazza: hmm, there's an idea.
Nazza: brb (fixing my calendar)

Time Passes...

Nazza: ok I'm back, I just remembered I don't have a calendar

"If sentences were art, that sentence would be an artwork."

"Youtube is...well it's Youtube"

This is the post with the burden of following my hit magnus opum. I'd better make sure to put everything in its right place, and I'll wish you were here while I sail the topographic oceans.

"Greg Lake has no need to be a prostitute" - Jenny

What We Learn in Media Production:

"Timbre is what makes the instrument unique. Trumpet sounds harsh and brassy, oboe sounds reedy, piano sounds like a harp being beaten with hammers"

"Horse hair on cat gut! Winning combination"

What We Learn in Foundations of IT:

Whoever sets the class tasks is a huge 80s fan. Also, Dean Pung likes Youtube.

A Three Act Play (or, Why I Should Go to Bed by Midnight)

-Prelude-

Nazza says: how would you like us to be more exciting?
Nazza says: *dances wildly!*
Nazza says: maybe you would like us to perform a 3-act play

Act 1: Wherein He Was Born

Prosthesis: Lo! For I am here.
Bosfoppo: I am here also.
Prosthesis: We are russian.

Act ZWEI: Untitled (aka This is the Title of Act 2)

Vladimir: Let's slaughter the peeps.
Henchman: Why did my mother call me henchman?

Act III: Boy is This Play Short

Little Chris: *dies*
The Fuzz: Oh no! We have killed our prince.
Johnbob: He was fat anyway.

Exuent

"Why would Tom be sitting?" "Because he's not standing"

According to the beauty-related shop that writes proverbs on its outside blackboard (typically used for advertising), "The heart is happiest when it beats others." I know my heart was over the moon after that gangbashing.

After covering Come Together, Hosford said of the guy performing (solo guitar) "If only Mark Chapman were here."

He announced a guitar solo, during which we both thought of separate hilarious "guitar solo" jokes.

There is a guy at uni who looks exactly like George Michael of the 90s, right down to the facial hair.

AWESOMENESS! The new Futurama movie is out.

DOUBLE AWESOMENESS! Nine Inch Nails are giving me free music.

I am annoyed that when I had infinite time and money to spare, there were no DVDs worth buying and now there are at least 5. That is a veritable orgy of DVDs. (Not those kind of DVDs, pervert.)

"You do shit with pianos and crap"

a vicious cycle! of orgasms

A Quick One While He's Away

Spinks: Holy shit! You are the 10th person to talk to me since I logged on.
Nazza: Awesome, do I win a prize?
Spinks: ...No. No you do not.

"Freddie never had a moustache" - Jenny on the alternate universe theory

"Hopefully I'll finish making my Chapman Stick soon" - Hargreaves on the alternate universe theory

"Why the hell do you guys keep talking about me?" - Alternate Universe Theory on PMS

Nazza: I LOVE OYU HOS
Hosford: Yeah Oyu's great.
Nazza: I haven't told Oyu yet.

Your orange is ready!

Thank you David Santos.

The following is a result of spending too much time on MSN talking to only two people.

"No one in here is going to sleep with Foxtel behind your back"

"You spent until '05 saying 'Dammit remote I command you to tell me what's on' didn't you"

"See I'd freak out if I was just a head"

Jenny: I thought kryptonite made Superman die, not become evil
Hosford: It was some different type of kryptonite
Nazza: Kryptonate
Jenny: Wow you're dorky

"He has a pretty damn huge ugly head" - Nazza on some guy

"I once put quotation marks around Space Oddity for no reason" - Hosford on the TV show "Heroes"

"You are the reason you broke your nose" - Hosford's nose on Andrew Johns

"I did not have sex with a valley" - Nazza on Uncanny Valley

"Who would you rather do, Superman or Spiderman?"
"Superman! Superman!"
"But Superman's faster than a speeding bullet"

Jenny: Are you going to be sensible and become a homosexual yet?
Hosford: Yeah why not, I'll be gay.

"Jamie Farr doesn't need to go the toilet" - Hosford on ad breaks

To quote Dr. Phil
"I'm bald"

"Yin and yang!"
"It's ying isn't it?"
"No you fail at buddhism...which is irrelevant because we're talking about Taoism"

TO BE CONTINUED...maybe...

"Music videos are like...music video"

Conversation between Morgan and Jim.
"I get paid on Wednesday."
"Today's Wednesday."
"Really? Yay I get paid today!"
"What are you gonna spend it on, another extra chromosome?"

Hosford and I heard Cats in the Cradle (the awesome cover) and Under the Milky Way (awesome too but not a cover) on the uni radio! Sort of. In one of the buildings they have speakers that play the radio.

I hiccuped with audible noise. Hosford believes I'll reminisce about this 5 years from now.

"Why does Julia Zemiro look like Neil Finn?"

The wisdom of Hosford:

"Jon Anderson is never wrong dickface"

"I hate suicidal people. I want to stab them"

"I had the urge to just reach out and grab her [chest]."

He had a conversation with the man who served him about his choice in (underage) beer.

"MATT BEVAN!"

On the bus I overheard "But I'm asian, I have to wear makeup or no one will notice I have eyes"

"There's too many asians here"
Asian: "There's too many whites here"

see this bag!!!

see this bag!!!

"We don't need no education"

This is the sequel to my previous brick, which was itself a sequel. Hence "Brick 2". Ironically as I've left school this one won't be about education.

If you're wondering why I'm calling it a brick and not a blog, that makes two of us. The word "blog" makes me think of sewage.

Jim: "Did I send you the picture of the man with his fist in the other man?"
"No."
Jim: "Must've sent it to your sister then."

We saw Toby at the train station. I didn't know he got wheels.

Hosford has video footage of Chris doing the macarena. I'm not entirely sure why.